Positive Thinking

Positive Thinking

There are many ways a person can change negative thoughts and self-criticism to more realistic and positive thoughts. Focusing on all of them at once may be overwhelming, but focusing on a few at a time and reminding yourself of these positive approaches regularly can change your self-esteem.



Read the positive thought strategies below and choose several that would help you most. Write them down and remind yourself to pause and change your way of thinking each time you are being critical of yourself. As you become more comfortable with each new way of thinking (for example, learning not to apologize or accept blame for other's anger) try adding a new positive thought strategy to your list.

Positive Thought Strategies

• Avoid exaggerations.
  Correct your internal voice when it exaggerates, especially when it exaggerates the negative. Try to avoid thinking in extreme terms ("I always make that mistake" or "I'll never get that promotion.")
• Nip negative thoughts in the bud.
  Sometimes putting a stop on negative thinking is as easy as that. The next time you start giving yourself an internal browbeating, tell yourself to "stop it!" If you saw a person yelling insults at another person, you would probably tell them to stop. Why do you accept that behavior from yourself?

• Accentuate the positive.
  Instead of focusing on what you think are your negative qualities, accentuate your strengths and assets. Maybe you didn't ace the test you were studying for, but maybe your hard work and perseverance led to a better grade than you would have had. Maybe you felt nervous and self-conscious when giving a presentation at work, but maybe your boss and coworkers respected you for getting up and trying.
• Accept flaws and being human.
  Maybe you did get nervous and blow that presentation at work - so what? Talk to your boss about what went wrong, try to address the error in the future, and move on. All people have flaws and make mistakes. Your boss, coworkers, friends, family, postman, congressman, and favorite movie star have all made mistakes. They've forgiven themselves; so can you.
• Accept imperfections.
  Perfection is a high goal to aim for -- you don't need to start there or even end there. Make doing your best your ideal -- what more can you realistically do? Focus on what you've gained from the process and how you can use it in the future. Avoid focusing on what wasn't done or 'should have' been done differently. Allow yourself to make mistakes and then forgive yourself. Try laughing instead of criticizing.

• Don't bully yourself!
  "Should have, could have, would have ... " Try not to constantly second guess yourself, criticize yourself for what you "should" have done better, or expect too much from yourself. Don't put standards on yourself that you wouldn't expect from others. It's great to want to do well, but expecting yourself to be perfect (which is impossible) and then punishing yourself when you fail is a vicious cycle. Using expressions like "I should have" is just a way of punishing yourself after the fact.
• Replace criticism with encouragement.
  Instead of nagging or focusing on the negative (in yourself and others), replace your criticism with encouragement. Give constructive criticism instead of being critical ("maybe if I tried to do ____ next time, it would be even better" instead of "I didn't do that right.") Compliment yourself and those around you on what you have achieved ("well, we may not have done it all, but we did a pretty great job with what we did".)
• Don't feel guilty about things beyond your control.
  You are not to blame every time something goes wrong or someone has a problem. Apologizing for things and accepting blame can be a positive quality, if you are in the wrong and if you learn and move on. But you shouldn't feel responsible for all problems or assume you are to blame whenever someone is upset.
• Don't feel responsible for everything.
  Just as everything is not your fault, not everything is your responsibility. It's okay to be helpful, but don't feel the need to be all things (and do all things) for all people. This is taking too much of a burden on yourself AND limiting those around you. Let others be responsible for themselves and their actions -- you shouldn't feel responsible for their happiness.
• Do feel responsible for your feelings.
  Just as you can't "make" other people happy, don't expect others to "make" you feel happy or good about yourself. In the same way, they shouldn't make you feel guilty or bad about yourself. You create your own feelings and make your own decisions. People and events may have an affect on your emotions, but they can't dictate them.

• Treat yourself kindly.
  People often feel more comfortable treating themselves in ways they wouldn't consider treating others. Do you criticize yourself with terms like "stupid" "ugly" or "loser"? Would you use those terms to describe a friend? Remind yourself that you deserve to be treated as well as you treat others. Do something nice for yourself sometimes -- either in thought (give yourself a compliment) or action (treat yourself to a nice dinner or new book.)
• Give yourself a break.
  You don't need to be all things to all people or please everyone. Give yourself permission to decide you're doing the best you can. Remind yourself when you're doing things well -- don't wait to hear it from someone else.
• Choose the brighter side of things.
  You can choose how to interpret comments and events, so try for the more positive interpretations. If someone says, "You look good today," don't ask yourself "What was wrong with the way I looked yesterday?" Accept compliments graciously (don't ask yourself why you haven't been complemented on something else or why you haven't complemented you before.) Look at temporary setbacks as opportunities for growth.

• Forgive and forget.
  Try not to hang on to painful memories and bad feelings - this is a surefire way to encourage negative thoughts and bad moods. Your past can control you if you don't control it. If you can, forgive past wrongs and move on. (Don't forget that forgiving yourself is an important part of this process, too!) If you have a hard time forgiving or forgetting, consider talking through your emotions with a good friend or counselor, but try not to dwell. It's important to work through things, but you can't let the past determine your future.
• Focus on what you CAN do, not what you can't.
  Avoid "can't" thinking or other negative language. If you say something often enough, you may start to believe it, so keep your statements positive, not negative. Don't be afraid to seek help in accomplishing things, but remind yourself that you don't need approval from others to recognize your accomplishments. Focus on what you're able to do. Remind yourself of all your capabilities and positive qualities.

Using just one or two of the above strategies on a regular basis can greatly increase your positive self-image and self-esteem. Making these internal changes will increase your confidence in yourself and your willingness and ability to make external changes and improve your life.

Feeling Beautiful

Feeling Beautiful is Empowering

Have you ever worn something new and felt wonderful in it? Did you have a much better time when you wore the new outfit? The way you felt when you wore it felt natural. You felt natural because this is the way you should feel all the time.

The world is full of beautiful people. You are one of them. Some days are better than others though, and a bad mood, a red pimple or a pair of jeans that are a little too tight can cause us to easily forget about our own beauty.

Beauty is among the greatest concerns for men and women around the world. As a society, there is a constant drive to appear more desirable and attractive to others, which is why the beauty industry is thriving. There are more than 250,000 beauty salons in the United States, with the industry employing more than 845,000 people. While cosmetics are one way to help improve your appearance, there are several natural ways to improve your looks.                              

Smile. The number one thing you can do to feel beautiful is to smile more often. This will automatically put you in a better mood, and you'll receive more positive energy from other people as well.When you smile, your whole face radiates beauty, so smile as often as you can. You may also find that by smiling more often, you end up having a more positive and happy attitude. There are ways to improve your smile if you are self-conscious. Teeth whitening can improve the brilliance of your smile and is more affordable than ever with the availability of over-the-counter whitening kits. To avoid discoloration, brush your teeth often, use a straw when you drink dark liquids and avoid smoking. Don't let dental flaws discourage you. Flaws like gaps can be a signature trademark. Smile, laugh, and stay positive! Remembering these three factors, helps draw the right people in your life and give you a beautiful glow that make others want to be around you.

Be Confident ~ One of the simplest ways to convey beauty on the outside is to have a healthy and positive self image. There is no sense in looking beautiful on the outside if you don't feel beautiful on the inside. If you are confident in yourself, it will reflect in the way you compose yourself. You are likely to carry yourself with good posture and smile more often, which make you look physically more beautiful. Walk and talk with confidence. It is much more attractive for a person to walk and talk with confidence than for her to slink back away from the world. Don’t be afraid to initiate conversations or stand up for what you believe in. Having more confidence in yourself will make you a more attractive person.

Think of your body as an instrument. Stop looking at your body as an unmovable object and start thinking of it as something that can be tuned. Little tune-ups every morning (moisturizer, chapstick, a wink and a smile) will improve your sense of beauty.

Eat healthy and exercise. Keeping your body in shape and eating healthy food can do wonders for you not only physically, but give you tremendous energy to be active and fit. Also taking vitamins and supplements is overall good for your body, skin, and hair. Exercise on a regular basis. Exercise is good for you both physically and mentally. Physically, it will help you stay healthier and can tone your body, as well. Exercise is good for you mentally because you get a feeling of achievement and self-satisfaction as you meet your exercise goals each time you work out. Exercising is a way to release stress, also. Exercising on a regular basis can help you to feel and look like a more attractive person.

Maintain personal hygiene ~ On a daily basis, shower, do your hair, and do your makeup (if you are a woman). Spray on some perfume or cologne before you head out the door. If you feel attractive, you will appear more attractive to those around you.

Go shopping. Treat yourself by buying a new outfit, pair of shoes or a beautiful necklace or earrings to give an extra boost in the way you look. Our self-esteem is closely linked with our consumerism. Your budget may allow you a $6 shirt or a $60 shirt; either way, a new article of clothing will give you a confidence boost.

Get a new haircut. Often times, a change in hair style will help you feel more attractive and will look more attractive, as well. Tell the stylist what you want and she should be able to figure out what shape, length and possibly color works best for your face shape, body shape and skin type. Speak up if it is something you don’t want or don’t like.

Moisturize ~ Use a good moisturize on your face and body every day to give your skin a natural radiance. Try to apply a moisturizer as soon as you get in the shower. According to 1sthealthsource.com, "moisturizers rehydrate and replenish your skin's natural radiance, no matter what condition your skin is in." Moisturizing helps replenish the skin with vitamins, minerals and collagen-elastin, which improves skin's elasticity and helps prevent wrinkles. The natural glow of a moisturizer on your face can also reduce the amount of makeup you need to wear every day. Use a lotion with a sun protection factor to protect your skin from the sun's rays, which can cause wrinkles. Drinking plenty of water is a natural way to hydrate skin; it also helps to flush toxins from the body.

Wear makeup. Makeup can help improve a woman's appearance, but wearing too much makeup can have the reverse effect. Wear enough makeup to accentuate your features and hide flaws without appearing as though you're wearing a mask. Light concealer and foundation, simple eye makeup, mascara and a natural lip shade are usually all you need to improve your appearance. If you use blush, apply it lightly or simply pinch your cheeks to give your skin a natural, blushing look. Look for makeup products that are made of natural materials and contain SPF to protect your skin from sun damage.Try applying on a little mascara or lipstick if you want to feel hot. On the other hand, if you want a completely new look, get yourself an over the counter make over at a department store or ask a makeup consultant to help you find makeup or lipstick that best matches your skin tone.

Pamper yourself every once in a while. Coerce your partner into a massage. Light some candles, and take a bubble bath. Curl up in bed with a good book. Engage in your favorite relaxation technique. Beautiful people find time for themselves. Spend time for yourself. Everyone needs to pamper himself or herself once in awhile and if it is going to a spa or something simple as trying, a new hairdo can improve greatly on how you feel.

Sleep ~ Beauty rest is not a myth that was created as an excuse to sleep in. Getting plenty of sleep re-energizes the body and prevents rings and dark circles around the eyes. The amount of sleep needed varies with each person, but if you get enough sleep, you'll be able to see the results in the way your body looks and feels.

Stay less stressed. Situations in our life at times can leave us on the edge and feel physically, mentally, and emotionally strained. Try yoga, mediate or soothing music to ease and relax your mind and body. Do whatever that works for you to prevent constant worries.

Work on your relationships with friends and family. Many studies have shown that positive, fulfilling relationships help people maintain a sense of inner and outer beauty.

Kill them with kindness. Remember--the most beautiful people are usually the nicest and most appealing to be around for reasons other than their beauty.

Age is on your side. Many people report feeling more beautiful as they get older.

Wear outfits that reflect your personality. Your inner comfort will reflect on the outside.

Be content with yourself. The best method to staying beautiful is being comfortable in your own skin by having confidence and thinking highly of yourself (but not to the extreme where you are arrogant). Accepting that you are an unique individual with great gifts can definitely change other areas in your life for the better.

Sharing "How to Feel Beautiful and Boost Confidence" from The Oprah Magazine

How to Feel Beautiful and Boost Confidence

(And not one involves more makeup!)

By Jenny Bailly
O, The Oprah Magazine | From the January 2010 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/spirit/How-to-Feel-Beautiful-and-Boost-Confidence

STAND (AND SIT) TALL

"Your brain is constantly checking in with the rest of your body to find out how you're feeling," says Kelly McGonigal, PhD, a health psychologist at Stanford University. "When your posture is erect, the message it gets is: I feel good about myself. " One study, published last year in the European Journal of Social Psychology , found that subjects who sat up straight in their chairs instead of slouching were more confident about statements they wrote. Keeping your shoulders back and chest open also makes you look taller, slimmer, and radiantly self-assured.

For some ideas on where to start, try O 's posture exercise plan .

BE AN OBSERVER, NOT A JUDGE

Don't issue good/bad/pretty/ugly judgments when you look in the mirror. "If you have a scar, you can decide to see it as a flaw or simply as a memory of an injury," says Stacey Tantleff-Dunn, PhD, associate professor of psychology at the University of Central Florida and director of the Laboratory for the Study of Eating, Appearance & Health. Try to take in your physical attributes the way you would those of a child or beloved friend—with appreciation and acceptance, not criticism.

FIND SOMETHING TO ADMIRE—IN YOURSELF

"Studies using eye-tracking technology have shown that people who are unhappy with their appearance zero in on their perceived flaws when they look in the mirror," says Nancy Etcoff, PhD, director of the Program in Aesthetics and Well Being at Massachusetts General Hospital. Turn your gaze on the feature you like (we know you have at least one). "When your eyes take in something that pleases you, your brain's reward system is activated, lifting your whole mood," says Etcoff.

PUT ON A HAPPY FACE

"We all find smiling faces more attractive than nonsmiling ones," says Paul Ekman, PhD, professor emeritus of psychology at the University of California San Francisco School of Medicine, who has studied facial expression for several decades. A smile not only lifts the muscles around the eyes and lips, for a more youthful appearance, but also generates a feel-good ripple effect: Your brain gets an instant mood boost from the muscle contractions, and that boost is maintained as people smile back at you.

BREATHE DEEPLY

Shallow breathing manifests itself as tension in your face, throat, even shoulders. On the other hand, when you take deep, slow breaths, you look and feel more at ease in your body. So take a second, enjoy the photo, and breathe.

JUST SAY "THANKS

When you compliment a child on her dress, she doesn't respond, "Oh, I don't think it fits quite right." (But she might say, "Thanks! And look at my shoes! And my braids! And did I tell you I'm the third tallest girl in my class?") Stop deflecting praise about your appearance. Simply say "thank you" when someone compliments your thick hair or sparkling eyes. You—and your admirer—will feel better about the exchange, creating positive reinforcement that makes you both want to give and receive compliments more often.

WEAR COLOR

We're not talking a fuchsia pantsuit. Just a pop of color—say, in a necklace or scarf—can light up your face, and your mood. Not sure what to add to your wardrobe of black and greige? Try blue: "It's universally considered a 'happy' color, and there's a shade that looks good on everyone," says fashion stylist Joe Lupo, coauthor of Life in Color. If your skin tone is warm (it looks yellow-orange next to a piece of white paper), choose royal blues; if your complexion is cool (it has a more pinkish cast), try icier blues or aquas.

LOOSEN UP

"Body image can be externally influenced—by a number on a scale or an image in a mirror—but it's also affected by physical sensations like discomfort," says McGonigal. When you wear clothes in the smaller size that you want to be (or once were), the feeling of constriction sends a constant signal to your brain that you're not thin enough. This isn't an appeal for elastic waistbands ("Looking like a schlump won't do much for your body image either," McGonigal says) but for clothes that are both elegant and comfortable—in the size you are now.

GIVE YOURSELF A REALITY CHECK

Unless you live off the grid (and if you're reading this, you probably don't), you're bombarded with media images of willowy, poreless women (case in point: the above). It's human nature to compare yourself with these images—but if you're not a supermodel, you'll come up short. Until such pictures are stamped with warning labels (an idea British and French lawmakers have proposed), when you catch yourself in the act of comparing, remember that these pictures are incredibly unrealistic—engineered by teams of lighting experts, makeup artists, and a tricky little computer application called Photoshop. They're created to make you feel insecure and encourage you to open your wallet. "Studies of teens have shown that increased media savvy does reduce comparisons and negativity about appearance," says Kerry O'Brien, PhD, a psychology lecturer at the University of Manchester.

CHOOSE YOUR FRIENDS WISELY

Recent research shows that our social networks have a profound effect on our behaviors and attitudes—including how we perceive our appearance. "It's hard to feel good about your looks if you're surrounded by people who criticize their own," says Etcoff. "Spend time around people who are confident in their bodies, and you'll find yourself following suit." And if you don't already have a few gay men in your circle of friends, you might want to add some: A study published last year in the journal Body Image found that friendships with gay men can elevate women's body esteem.

VIEW YOURSELF IN A FLATTERING LIGHT

We mean that literally, as in change your lightbulbs. White-coated incandescent bulbs cast a wash of soft, pretty light, says lighting expert Dan Blitzer, president of the Practical Lighting Workshop. The Philips Natural and GE Reveal brands also filter out yellow tones for a clean white light that goes easy on all skin tones. Consider the placement of your light fixtures as well: "When light reaches your face from all directions, it minimizes lines and shadows," says Blitzer. In your bathroom, replace overhead lighting with fixtures on either side of your mirror.