Perfectly Imperfect

Embracing the Imperfect

“The problem is not that there are problems.
The problem is expecting otherwise and
thinking that having problems is a problem.”
         ~Theodore Rubin


It occurred to me that there might be a gift in all of this for others – the gift of exposure and vulnerability.

Here’s the thing: I’ve had more than a few experiences where, when I “out” myself as imperfect, the response to that is for someone else to use that to feel smug, better-than me, or more put-together.

Perhaps they even tell others that “Dawn isn’t really who you think she is” because they’ve been privy to my struggles or they’ve seen some inconsistency show up between my vision for my life and my actions on a particular day.

This is exactly why we tend not to get vulnerable and why we hesitate to claim or accept our imperfections. We’re afraid of this response.

This is also exactly why it’s the place to practice courage and to get vulnerable.

Choices

When I’ve had this experience of someone mis-interpreting (or outright mis-using) my transparent admissions that "Yes, I still experience fear", or "Sometimes I don’t feel enough", or  "I get frustrated when my business doesn’t perform the way I want it to", I have a few choices.

YOU have a few choices:

• You can run back into yourself and hide, duly chastened and embarrassed, and go back to the exhausting role of “I’ve got it all together.” or
• You can take a deep breath, and sink even more deeply into whatever your truth is in that moment, even if your truth is that you’re not on-point.

The Most Powerful Parts of Us

The most powerful part of who I am, and of who you are, is actually not the part where I’m “put-together.”

The most powerful part of who we are is where we accept that within us which is “falling apart.” Being honest about being an imperfectly perfect human being creates such an enormous expanse of freedom.

That level of honesty is core-shaking. It’s freedom from the Stories about ourselves and freedom from what others think.

It’s the space where compassion begins when others judge, for the empty endeavor of using someone else’s low to fuel their own artificial high.

Your truth–even if it’s a miserable one–becomes powerful when you embrace it. Own it fully.

The great paradox is that when we embrace the things that are difficult, the things that are difficult have the space for actual change.

When something is ready to transform, it transforms.

Last Stop: Your Job

It’s my job to own where I’m at, and to accept where I’m at. It’s other people’s jobs to own where they are at, and to accept where they are at.

So really–It’s actually not anyone else’s job to accept you, so that you can be okay with you.

Translation: It doesn’t do much good to try and wait for everyone else to be okay with our truth before we’ll expose our truth. Waiting for that moment keeps you trapped in caring about what other people think.

Waiting for other people to approve, first, is a form of wanting other people to create safety for you, but only you create safety in your life. Safety starts and ends within you.

That’s why I’m willing to expose myself, to share honestly that in this moment, as of writing this, that I am not perfect ~ sometimes I don't even like myself.

Don’t know how I will feel in five minutes, don’t know how I will feel in five days – but this is where I am, right now. Right now, I am Embracing my Imperfectness.

I stand before you, open and vulnerable, yet grounded in my truth. It’s the safest place to be.

Steps to a Happy Life (conclusion)

Steps to a Happy Life with Positive Attitude

Parting Words on the Positive Attitude Habit

When you start feeling like the idea of being a positive person is daunting, tell yourself this: “If someone who really used to struggle with a negative attitude, turned her life around with these five steps, then I can too!”

If anyone had told me a few years ago that I would be writing an article about developing a positive attitude and living a happy life, I would have laughed right in their face. I would have said, “Why in the world would someone want me to write about positivity?”

But here I am, writing this post, believing in these words, and knowing that every single day I am getting closer and closer to living the happy life I’ve secretly dreamed of living. If I can do it, you can do it. Believe in yourself and remember the most important lesson of all… a positive outlook is a choice. Choose to be positive. Choose to be happy. Life is short.

 

 

Steps to a Happy Life (part 4)

Steps to a Happy Life with Positive Attitude

Step 4: Reinforce Positivity in Yourself

Once I started thinking more positively and adapted to a more positive attitude, I realized I had to reinforce these thoughts and behaviors in myself so they would stick. As with any sort of training, practice makes perfect, and, yes, you can practice being positive.

The best and easiest way to do this is to be positive when it comes to who you are. Tell yourself you’re awesome. Tell yourself you look good. Tell yourself that you love and accept yourself completely. Tell yourself you did an awesome job at work or raising your kids or whatever it is you do.

 

 

Be honest with yourself, but do your best to look for the good. And, whatever you do, don’t focus on the negative. Nothing good can come of telling yourself that your butt’s too big or your latest career goal wasn’t met.

It’s okay to not like everything about yourself (yet), but don’t spend energy dwelling on the negative. Remind yourself of the good in you. We all have positive attributes and it’s up to you to remind yourself of them every day.

Steps to a Happy Life (part 2)

Steps to a Happy Life with Positive Attitude

Step 2: Rid Your Life of Negativity

If you want to live a positive, joyful and happy life, you cannot –- absolutely CANNOT -– be surrounded by negative people who are not encouraging your happiness. Negative people attract other negative people.

When I decided to make the change to live a more positive life, I had to rid my life of all of the negative people in it. This, as you can imagine, wasn’t easy. Getting rid of people hurts -– even when you know they aren’t good for you or your current lifestyle.

Not only did I have to get rid of the negative people, but I also had to get rid of the negative things too. I had to stop doing certain things that were causing negativity in my life. I had to take a step back and examine which behaviors were good for me and which were not.

I learned to focus on the positive things I was doing and let go of the negative ones. This process was not easy and to be honest, is still ongoing, but I know this: having negativity in your life prevents you from living a truly positive existence and from being truly happy.

Steps to a Happy Life (part 1)

Steps to a Happy Life with Positive Attitude

 

Step 1: Believe Happiness is a Choice

For me, this was a hard one at first. I thought that people were either unhappy or happy (and I was one of the unhappy ones). I used to blame this on all kinds of outside forces –- fate, experiences, parents, relationships –- but never really stopped to think that I could choose to be happy.

Sure, this isn’t always easy, but it is always, always an option. Teaching myself to see that happiness is a choice has been one of the greatest things I’ve ever done for myself.

Now when I find myself in a bad situation, I know that it’s up to me to find the good, to be happy regardless of what’s happening around me. I am no longer pointing fingers, placing blame. I realize that everything happens how it happens and it’s up to me to choose how I want to feel about it. I am in control of my happiness level and no one can take that away from me.

Life

LIFE

1. the condition that distinguishes organisms from inorganic objects and dead organisms, being manifested by growth through metabolism, reproduction, and the power of adaptation to environment through changes originating internally. 
2. the sum of the distinguishing phenomena of organisms, especially metabolism, growth, reproduction, and adaptation to environment. 
3. the animate existence or period of animate existence of an individual: to risk one's life; a short life and a merry one. 
4. a corresponding state, existence, or principle of existence conceived of as belonging to the soul: eternal life. 
5. the general or universal condition of human existence: Too bad, but life is like that.

We all want a happy life, and we all know that having a positive attitude feels better than a negative one. But for some reason, we are all attracted to and can be easily drawn to the negative side. How do we go about to establish a more positive attitude as a daily habit?

Even for someone like me, a naturally positive person, having a positive attitude is not always easy.

I still sometimes see the world through a negative perspective, focusing on the bad and ignoring the good — especially when things aren’t going the way I had hoped. As I’ve been struggling with this lately, I’ve been reminding myself that it really is possible to change my perspective.

About a year ago, I decided I was going to make a change in my life. I was going to start looking for the good, seeking the positive, and striving to make every day a joyful experience.

This was something I would have never imagined myself doing, but it’s something that has impacted my life every single day since then. I’ve had to do a lot to get to where I am right now, and I still believe I have a long way to go.

I’m not searching for any particular end point, however. All I want is to be happy, to live a life that focuses more on the good than the bad (though I do believe you need both to have a happy life).

On this road — this twisting, turning road to happiness — there have been many ups and downs. There have been challenges — cancer, my daughter's thyroidism, my husband's diabetes, etc. There have been inspirations — beauty around us, music, art, my daughters, good friends, etc. There have been many amazing experiences that I never would have had if I had not made the choice to live a positive and happy life.

Recently, as I struggle to be positive about certain challenging situations in my life, I’ve been giving some serious thought to how I transformed my outlook from negative-focused to a more positive-focused one. (Note: I don’t always see the good. Like everyone, I have good days and bad days, but, for the most part, there has been a BIG shift in my attitude over the past year or so).

Though I have to admit that there are many, many factors involved in my personal development — such as my business, the countless books and blogs I read, creating my blogs, and surrounding myself with happy, supportive people — I can say that, at the most basic level, choosing to be positive has helped me the most in terms of becoming the person I want to be.

When I think back on my transformation now, I recognize that there are certain steps that lead to the best ways to begin stumbling down that path to happiness by establishing a habit of positive attitude.

Over the next few days, I will expand on my journey and talk about those steps — and the impact on my photography and craft business. Join me on my journey.