Beauty in the Imperfections

 

Finding Beauty in the Imperfections

“Love isn’t a state of caring. It is an active noun, like struggle.
To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly
the way he or she is, right here and now.”

 

There are certain things in life that we can’t master simply by memorizing a set of facts or figures. We must navigate our way using past experiences and current feelings, attempting to find what’s “right” when “right” is only a matter of opinion.

I’d like to believe that I am an entirely open minded and non-judgmental person. But this belief that I must find someone that fits my mind, my life, my personality perfectly has led me to operate from a place of analytical judgment, compartmentalizing and taking note of everything both big and small, dissecting a potential partner into parts that look nothing like their whole.

It’s made me discount things I know nothing about and place importance on things that I didn’t find all that important in the first place.

It’s made me forget that love is about the process, not the end result.

Unfortunately, by definition, perfect means that flaws and blemishes don’t exist. But people are filled with both flaws and blemishes.

And in truth, how can I expect someone else to always be kind when I’m not always kind? Or how can I expect them to be financially responsible when I don’t always want to be?

I’m not perfect.

As a society we like to see things in black and white, wrong and right. This gives us a false sense of security and allows us to make sense of anything that comes our way. Plus, it gives our ego a chance to shine.

But recognizing shades of gray and being able to let go of the “right” fight opens us up to a world of possibilities. It’s simply about being — not defending or preaching.

Life is mostly made up of routines and patterns. Every day we act them out and they are what make up the bulk of our lives. Many of us live according to a socially acceptable template, within the realm of safety, while living repetitively and dreaming of ways to escape.

I used to revolt against these routines. I saw them as the enemy of adventure and of living a spontaneous life. However, I’ve found that routines can be quite blissful. I’ve realized that every day events and what we would commonly classify as “normal”, is often extraordinary if you just take a closer look.

I’ve discovered that even if you’re not exactly where you’d like to be, that doesn’t mean that life right now can’t be beautiful or enjoyable. And the best part is, you don’t have to do anything to make it beautiful. It already is beautiful.

All you have to do is open your eyes.

 

Seeing Things Differently

We are constantly surrounded by miracles, but we do not recognize them because they come to us so gracefully and seamlessly.

For example, have you ever thought about how many different processes have to be organized simply to create the experience you’re having right now? Imagine if all of that was a conscious effort. Imagine if you had to think about breathing, or think about listening to music. You don’t, it just happens. Isn’t that amazing?

Now multiply that by a trillion. Every breath, every movement, and every condition that’s creating the possibility for you to be alive right now is a miracle.

We often get inundated with our To-Do lists, or get caught up in the drama of things that aren’t really important. Realizing that beauty exists in every moment is possible; it simply takes a way of seeing things a bit differently.

Boredom due to routine is a creation of the mind. In reality, there are no ordinary or extraordinary moments. There is beauty everywhere. If you truly understand this, you can look at any ordinary object and find beauty in its existence. You can see a pile of rotting compost and realize that within that organic waste is the possibility of a garden of flowers.

I’ve found that there are a few easy shifts that need to take place, in order to create a state of constant awareness of how amazing life is. Most of the time we only catch a glimpse of how amazing things really are before we get sucked back into the monotony of our routines. We lose mindfulness.

In order to make awareness of beauty a permanent fixture in your life, you need to practice being mindful and aware. I don’t claim that practicing these principles is easy, but the benefits are worthwhile when we bring consciousness into our daily existence.

1. Practice Listening

One of the biggest blocks to recognizing all of life’s extraordinary moments is that we often don’t stop to listen. We’re too busy talking to ourselves. If we’re thinking all the time, we’re living entirely in a world of symbols. We’re living in a world of abstractions about reality; words that describe, label, and categorize things. This can be a wonderful tool for communication, but it can also be a curse when it gets out of control.
If we’re always thinking, we’re never in a relationship with reality. In order to become intimate with life, we need to listen. Imagine that every time you interacted with someone, you were the only one talking. There would be no communication, because you never gave the other person a chance to speak. It works the same way when you’re communicating with life.
Instead of thinking all the time and getting lost in your own thoughts, slow down and just listen. Put your focus on listening. When you find that you are drifting away in your own thoughts, gently bring your focus back to listening.

2. Practice Non-Judgment

Have you ever noticed that when you judge other people, it immediately puts you in a negative mood?



Usually, the judgments we make are because other people aren’t conforming to our version of the way we would live. Everyone’s values are different, and that’s what makes life interesting. While there are some justifiable judgments you can make, they’re still, ultimately, not worth it.

Compassion is a better vehicle for change than judgment.

The next time you’re about to make a judgment, try to practice compassion instead.

Let your feeling of needing to judge be a reminder for you to practice compassion. That way, your negativity will be transformed into peace.

Beauty is experienced through a state of peace, never through a state of condemnation. And yes, non-judgment also means to stop complaining.

3. Open Your Heart

If you’re like me and you’re pretty left-brained, you might be thinking, “Okay that’s nice, but how exactly do I open my heart?”

Opening your heart is a matter of accepting yourself and life as it is. It’s a matter of forgiving yourself and others. It’s letting go of all your resistance to the flow of life and the flow of circumstances.

If you want to take action to change something, that’s fine. But it doesn’t make any sense to resist what is already a reality. Surrender to this moment, accept things and people as they are, and your heart will begin to open.

Tips for Daily Living

What all of these things have in common is presence. The more you’re living in the present moment, the more bliss you allow to come into your life. If you’re always living in the future, always seeking something, you’re rejecting what Is – you’re never actually here to experience the miracle of life, right now.

 

 

If you can just practice these three things, your life will start to transform dramatically. You’ll begin to tap into your inner integrity and live authentically. You can’t live in acceptance and not be authentic. And if you’re living authentically, you naturally move into a state of bliss. See where this is leading?

The three practices I’ve mentioned above are the primary catalysts for opening yourself up to how wonderful life can be. There are, however, many other practical things you can do that will help you become more aligned with these principles.

Here are a few suggestions:

• Find beauty in the little things. It’s amazing to me how when I stop the incessant mental chatter, and actually just see things, I am blown away by how beautiful they are. The trees swaying, the leaves blowing around on the ground, the waves crashing on the shore. The simplest of things have the most profound beauty. But you can only see them if you’re really there. If your mind is brooding, if you’re off somewhere else, you’ll completely miss them.
• Embrace your artistry. If you think you’re not a creative person, I’m here to respectably tell you – you’re wrong. You couldn’t not create, even if you wanted to. Every time you open your mouth, every story you tell yourself about the drama in your life, is an act of creation. You’re constantly shaping, reinventing, and writing the story of your life. Once you recognize this, it’s much more powerful for you to see yourself as an artist, rather than a non-creative person. So the question is: What story will you create today?
• Live without limits. Some limits are positive and necessary (like speed limits), but a lot of the limits we place on our lives block us from experiencing our full potential. Arbitrary limits, like fearing to reach out to a homeless person or talk to strangers, restrict the flow of love in our lives.
• Realize that beauty can be found in the most mundane. Beauty is not always realized through a life-changing moment or a great epiphany. It’s not always hidden in a rainbow or found skydiving at 5,000 feet above the ground. Beauty is often found through looking into a newborn’s eyes, in the blooming of a flower, or in paint peeling off an old fence. It’s often where you least expect it.

• See for the first time. Sometimes we get bogged down in schedules and obligations, and we lose our sense of wonder about the simple joys of life. Just quieting yourself internally and opening yourself up to an experience can allow you to view it again for the very first time. When you’re listening to music, imagine that you might have not been born with the ability to hear. When you reach out to touch someone, think about how many people don’t have use of their limbs. When you observe your surroundings, imagine you’re seeing color for the first time.
• Live intimately with life. The next time you have a drink of coffee or tea, completely take in the smell and the flavor of the beverage. When you breathe, feel the air enter your lungs. When you walk, really feel the ground beneath your feet. The amount of beauty you experience in life is largely related to your level of intimacy with life. If you’re walking around disconnected, you overlook the wealth of artistry that is available to you right now.
• Make your passion a priority. It’s easy to get wrapped up in doing all of the things that we think must get done. Wanting everything to be perfect gets in the way of having time for the things you really care about. While the errands and things on your to-do list might be necessary, it’s important to make the things you love a priority. If you have a hard time with distractions getting in your way, make a specific time during your day that is sacred, where you only do what you really want to do. Maybe it’s an hour of Kung Fu or Yoga in the morning before the rest of the world wakes up. Maybe it’s 30 minutes of Mahjong before you turn in for the night. Whatever it is, you have to make it a priority or it will get lost in the vacuum of the minutiae abyss.
• Focus on the good. The reason still puzzles me, but we humans have a tendency to focus on the negative in events, circumstances, and people. We have a tendency to count our misfortunes and all the things that are lacking before we count our blessings. Make a habit of focusing on all the things you’re grateful for and you will open yourself up to experiencing the beauty of life.
• Give something away. I’ve found that the best way to reconnect with how beautiful life can be is to give something away. It doesn’t have to be anything material. It can be a compliment, a smile, or a positive intention for someone else. Sometimes the greatest gift you can give is sincerely giving your presence.

This list is, by no means, exhaustive. These are just the things that have worked for me. Experiment on your own and take chances. Sometimes a deep breath or a smile at a stranger is all it takes to bring you back into a state of presence.

Closing Thoughts

It’s easy to get motivated to follow or chase a new provocative idea. Seeing the beauty in the “ordinary” sounds quite alluring. But like most things that catch our fleeting interest, our well intended desires get lost in our rush to get things done and keep up with the day to day business of living.

To make our perception of life being amazing a constant perception rather than a transient one, we have to slow down. It’s only through seeing the wisdom of slowing down, breathing and being present that we can realize how ridiculous it is to always be in a hurry. We may think we’re moving quicker, and getting more things done. But in doing so, we miss the point: to enjoy life now.

Only by slowing down and being here now can we make what we’re doing worthwhile. It’s in slowing down that we allow ourselves space to experience life more fully. We often go through life trying to eliminate and fill up space as much as possible in an attempt to “maximize” our time. But in the end, the exact opposite happens.

It’s through space that air fills your lungs. It’s through space that your body moves. It’s through space in the vibration of the air that sound is heard. It’s in the gaps between veins that blood flows. Without the space between these letters, there would be no words for you to read -it would all be incoherent.

In this way, you realize something…

Emptiness truly roars. Silence speaks. Space gives birth to form.

It’s in the gaps that beauty is found.
 

 

Perfectly Imperfect

Embracing the Imperfect

“The problem is not that there are problems.
The problem is expecting otherwise and
thinking that having problems is a problem.”
         ~Theodore Rubin


It occurred to me that there might be a gift in all of this for others – the gift of exposure and vulnerability.

Here’s the thing: I’ve had more than a few experiences where, when I “out” myself as imperfect, the response to that is for someone else to use that to feel smug, better-than me, or more put-together.

Perhaps they even tell others that “Dawn isn’t really who you think she is” because they’ve been privy to my struggles or they’ve seen some inconsistency show up between my vision for my life and my actions on a particular day.

This is exactly why we tend not to get vulnerable and why we hesitate to claim or accept our imperfections. We’re afraid of this response.

This is also exactly why it’s the place to practice courage and to get vulnerable.

Choices

When I’ve had this experience of someone mis-interpreting (or outright mis-using) my transparent admissions that "Yes, I still experience fear", or "Sometimes I don’t feel enough", or  "I get frustrated when my business doesn’t perform the way I want it to", I have a few choices.

YOU have a few choices:

• You can run back into yourself and hide, duly chastened and embarrassed, and go back to the exhausting role of “I’ve got it all together.” or
• You can take a deep breath, and sink even more deeply into whatever your truth is in that moment, even if your truth is that you’re not on-point.

The Most Powerful Parts of Us

The most powerful part of who I am, and of who you are, is actually not the part where I’m “put-together.”

The most powerful part of who we are is where we accept that within us which is “falling apart.” Being honest about being an imperfectly perfect human being creates such an enormous expanse of freedom.

That level of honesty is core-shaking. It’s freedom from the Stories about ourselves and freedom from what others think.

It’s the space where compassion begins when others judge, for the empty endeavor of using someone else’s low to fuel their own artificial high.

Your truth–even if it’s a miserable one–becomes powerful when you embrace it. Own it fully.

The great paradox is that when we embrace the things that are difficult, the things that are difficult have the space for actual change.

When something is ready to transform, it transforms.

Last Stop: Your Job

It’s my job to own where I’m at, and to accept where I’m at. It’s other people’s jobs to own where they are at, and to accept where they are at.

So really–It’s actually not anyone else’s job to accept you, so that you can be okay with you.

Translation: It doesn’t do much good to try and wait for everyone else to be okay with our truth before we’ll expose our truth. Waiting for that moment keeps you trapped in caring about what other people think.

Waiting for other people to approve, first, is a form of wanting other people to create safety for you, but only you create safety in your life. Safety starts and ends within you.

That’s why I’m willing to expose myself, to share honestly that in this moment, as of writing this, that I am not perfect ~ sometimes I don't even like myself.

Don’t know how I will feel in five minutes, don’t know how I will feel in five days – but this is where I am, right now. Right now, I am Embracing my Imperfectness.

I stand before you, open and vulnerable, yet grounded in my truth. It’s the safest place to be.